you only live once

Inte för att jag kan måla. Men jag gör det ändå. För vem har sagt att man måste vara konstnär för att få göra konst?

Dawn: "A real relationship isn't like a fairy tale, if you think that, for the next forty years, every time you see each other you're going to glow, or, every time you hold hands there's going to be electricity, then, you're kidding yourself really. What about reliability, or er, someone paying the mortgage, or someone who's never been out of work. Those are the more important, practical things, you know. In reality."


Tim: "No I don't talk about my love life for a very good reason, and that reason is I don't have one. Which is very good news for the ladies-I am still available. I'm a heck of a catch, cos, er well look at it. I live in Slough, in a lovely house, with my parents. I have my own room, which I've had since yep, since I was born. That's seen a lot of action I tell you. Mainly dusting. I went to university for a year as well, before I dropped out, so I'm a quitter. So, er, form an orderly queue, ladies."



Tim: "The people you work with are just people you were thrown together with. Y'know, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them thanyou do your friends or your family. But probably all you've got in common is the fact that you walk round on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day. And so, obviously, when someone comes in who you have a connection with - yeah, and Dawn was a ray of sunshine in my life - it can mean a lot. But if I'm really being honest, I never really thought it would have a happy ending. I don't know what a happy ending is. Life isn't about endings, is it? It's a series of moments."


Tim: "It's like an alarm clock's gone off, and I've just got to get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: "Life is what happens when you're making other plans.", and that's how I feel. Although he also said: "I am the Walrus I am the eggman" so I don't know what to believe."


[Dawn is coming back from America for the office Christmas party]
Tim: "Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing her again, of course. She's my friend, and she's a good friend, and no, I don't know exactly how I'll feel. I'll feel like a friend feels, whatever that is, you know, but as I said, I'm not going to ask her again! Come on!"
[pauses, grins]
Tim: "I might ask her again. No, I won't, I won't. She would have to do the asking."

Jag sitter och lyssnar på jazz.
Tänker på att jag aldrig LYSSNAT på jazz förut. Det kanske har funnits i bakgrunden, men jag har aldrig valt att lyssna på det. Frivilligt.
Förrän nu, då. Jag råkade klicka på radiofunktionen på fjärrkontrollen. Sen råkade jag klicka mig vidare till en klassisk jazz-station. och nu kan jag inte sluta lyssna.

Jag sitter och lyssnar på jazz
och tänker att
så här kan jag ju inte ha det. I livet. Varför är jag så ung och ändå så gammal? Det är inte rättvist, och inte du heller, och jag vill inte mer. Jag har vuxit upp. Det är dags att lämna onödvändiga saker bakom sig. Slowly let go and move on to greater things, som jag skrev i akvarell på sista sidan i en Bröderna Hardy-bok.

Jag sitter och lyssnar på jazz
och tänker att allt händer av en anledning. Everything happens for a reason, som han sa till mig efter att allt vi gjort bara var jobbiga minnen
och det enda som hägrade i framtiden var ett smärtfritt farväl.